“I’m in this super familiar space that I’m trying to navigate differently. Noticing patterns. Hearing the stories I tell myself. Trying to sit with it. I don’t know how I’m going to move forward, but I’m going to.”
That was an actual journal entry I made not too long ago. When big changes happen in my life, I seem to rely on a type of muscle memory. I feel all the same feelings and think all the same things. The external circumstances might be different but the internal dialogue sounds very much the same.
How can I navigate the same old shit in a new way; a way that feels good, that feels more like me?
“Discomfort is what happens when we are on the precipice of change.” - Brianna West
Everyone goes through big changes in life at some point, right? A new job, moving, going to school, beginning or ending a relationship, becoming a parent. We often think these are the changes that define us. But really, it’s the way we choose to move through those changes that mold us and pave the path forward.
As each change comes along, we have the ability to choose how we navigate it. Even in the changes where we feel little control over the circumstances, we still get to choose how we show up to the process.
Notice the Stories You Tell Yourself
It’s easy to go through life on autopilot. We create habits and opinions and beliefs that become the lens through which we see all things. It dictates our attitudes, behaviours, and the way we show up. But when was the last time you paused to notice those stories you’ve written down and filed away as truth? When was the last time you asked yourself, “Is this still true for me? Is this how I want to live my life?” Notice what feelings come up as you identify the stories you’ve told yourself over and over. Notice the resistance that shows up when you question them. Get curious. Give yourself the time and space to really go there. Trust that this is the catalyst for the change that you’re looking for.
Notice Your Patterns
Noticing your patterns is just a way of asking yourself, “What do I usually do in these circumstances?” When you feel frustrated or angry, depressed or anxious, lonely - how do you usually react to those feelings? What does your internal dialogue sound like when those things come up? For example, I tend to think things like, “This isn’t fair. I’m not good enough. Nothing is going to work out for me. No one understands how hard this is for me.” This is a practice of noticing, of getting curious, of seeing yourself. This isn’t always a comfortable practice and our inner critic tends to show up here. Notice that, too. Set aside the judgement and, for now, simply notice. Become an observer of yourself.
Decide to Do Something Else
As you sit with all of this, let it move you in a new direction. Even if you don’t know what that looks like or how to keep moving forward, decide to do something else. Only you can decide that you don’t want to keep doing things the same old way. And only you can decide to do the inner work required to show up differently. Dig deep. Find the resolve to love yourself enough to reroute the usual course of action.
Know Your Worth
Who are you? Beyond the stories and patterns and habits. What do you want? Set aside all the doubts and “but I can’t” thoughts and listen to your heart whisper her desires. What would your life look like if you lived by that? Can you imagine a life lived by the person you really are inside and showing up to the things you really want? Believe that you are worthy of that. Believe in your own goodness and worth, and carry that with you on the journey.
You can do this. You have everything you need inside of you. All the goodness and strength and compassion you’ll ever need, you already have. You are more capable than you give yourself credit for. Consider all that you’ve been through and know - deeply know and trust - that it has brought you to this point in time, to this crux, for a reason. You get to take the torch here. Run with it. Run with all the heart and gumption you can.