Self-care is definitely not one-size-fits-all. (I mean, is anything actually one-size-fits-all anyway? Certainly not that poncho I bought last spring.) But clothing styles aside, the term is self-care, not here’s-a-magic-potion-that-works-for-everyone-care. You get the point - it’s unique to YOU.
The end goal of self-care is for you to feel good. To feel whole. To feel healthy. To feel energized. To feel grounded. To feel well. And what makes one person feel that way might not make you feel that way, too. We all come to the table with different backgrounds, experiences, needs, hurts, etc. And our journey toward feeling well - toward feeling cared for - is going to reflect that.
So, how do I actually do that?
That is the question I often find myself asking when I’ve read an article or listened to a podcast or weeped over a Ted Talk video (just kidding, I’ve never done that. Okay, maybe once.) There’s a lot of great content out there that will motivate you to want to practice self-care or take your own wellness more seriously or whatever it is. But a lot of it is vague and paints these grand, sweeping lines of ideas that seem really amazing but we’re left wondering… what exactly does that look like for me?
Self-Care Starts with Self-Awareness
It’s all about you, baby. Yep, that’s right. If you want to know what self-care tools will work best for you - the ones that will have the most profound effect, the ones that’ll keep you showing up day after day after day, even when you’re trudging through the week from hell - then you have to get real up close and personal with… yo’self.
And honestly, if we’re being transparent here - which I hope we are - this is probably the hardest part. Self-awareness sucks sometimes. Like, do I enjoy admitting to myself (and all of you) that when I start to feel overwhelmed, instead of communicating that and asking for help, I just become a controlling, rude, psycho to everyone who dares breathe within ten feet of me?
No, of course not. No one likes to admit things about themselves like that. But, acknowledging those parts of myself has allowed me to find practices and tools that help me deal with overwhelm in a more, let’s say positive, manner. So now people can breathe within 5-7 feet of me without enduring my wrath.
Experimentation is the Name of the Game
Just like there’s no one-size-fits-all, there’s no magical overnight success tricks either. I know, this post is shaping up to be a real downer. BUT don’t let it be. Everyone wants to lose 25 pounds in 3 weeks or find the secret tip for controlling your temper today or the fastest way to this and the quickest way to that. But we all know life just doesn’t work that way. So let’s give ourselves permission to just slow the fuck down and be where we are today. Take a breath, okay?
Once you’ve done some self-awareness work (which is just to say you’ve had some honest conversation with yourself, in a journal or just in your own mind) and you’ve identified a few things you’re struggling with right now, then you can start experimenting. Get creative.
Identify the problem (how I don’t want to feel) and identify the way you do want to feel, then brainstorm a list of activities to move you from the unwanted to the wanted feeling.
If you’re feeling stressed and you want to feel, uh, not stressed, what are some things that help you to let go of that tension? Maybe laughing is a great stress reliever for you, so you find a few hilarious stand up comedy videos and save them to watch any time you feel your stress levels rising. Maybe working out is the best way to beat the stress for you, so you save your favorite kickboxing workouts on YouTube so they’re handy when you need them.
As you go along in this experiment, note which activities were the most effective, which ones were the easiest, which ones you enjoyed the most. And then start to do them regularly, even if you aren’t stressed (or, insert unwanted feeling here). And just notice what happens when you participate in filling your day with things that bring about more positive feelings and experiences.
Keep Showing Up for Yourself
Okay so maybe there is one tiny magical secret to finding the perfect self-care routine. Keep showing up for yourself. Had a hard day yesterday and didn’t get a workout in? Got pissed and snapped at a co-worker even though you meditated for 20 minutes that morning? Told your toddler to shove off because you were hangry after eating only donuts before 2pm?
That’s okay. Acknowledge it, maybe make an adjustment, and keep going. At the end of the day, let it be done, and trust yourself to show up the next morning ready for a fresh start. Allow yourself to be where you are and move forward from there. Don’t compare yourself and don’t should all over yourself. Just keep showing up for yourself. Keep showing up for yourself. Keep. Showing. Up. For. Yourself.
*In case you need some help getting started, here are a few journal prompts ~ you can write it down on paper, type it out, or just mull it over in your mind on a long walk (or, you know, while you’re binge watching your favorite Netflix show - you do you)…
Journal Prompts:
What is one thing I’ve really been struggling with lately?
Why has this been a struggle for me? What’s the hardest part about it?
What is one thing I can start doing that would help me? (It can be simple.)
How can I show myself compassion through this process?